It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
