I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
