You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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