he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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