This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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