I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
