Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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