whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
