I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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