So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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