The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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