You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
