Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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