i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
