Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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