my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
