you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
