Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
