I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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