I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
