I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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