He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
