i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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