You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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