Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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