I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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