you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
