I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
