This house was built for laser tag.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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