So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
