I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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