I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
