I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
