I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
