her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm passing your future prison.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
