Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
vagina is talking i cant
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
