That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
