I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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