woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
