whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Couch. On fire.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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