WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
