I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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