I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
