did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
