you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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