and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
