but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
