His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
