I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am never drinking with the goths again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
