Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
