the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
