we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
