is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I die, sorry about rent.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
